Teachings from within

If you have already read one of my posts you know that I have two children, just a week ago I had two under two….YIKES! But my oldest just had her second birthday; HAPPY BIRTHDAY my beautiful girl! For those of you that do not know now I have a two year old and an almost 4 month old; both girls; sorry hubby you are outnumbered! LOL! One thing that I constantly searched for before I was pregnant was my purpose. I believe everyone at some point of their life wants to find that purpose. I remember telling my husband that I felt like my purpose was to have a family and have children….when it became a challenge to get pregnant as fast as I wanted to I started to second and third guess that purpose. That’s normal right? I am pretty sure it is, actually I know it is. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves that we forget to just let go and let God. With that being said I want to focus this blog on what I learned from my two daughters. So many times I have sat here and thought to myself I am not a good mother; their trials and tribulations are because I am not doing something right….right?…WRONG! It is all part of their destiny and life. They too have a purpose and they have taught me so much at such a young age already that I cannot wait to see what comes next.

My first born taught me something completely different than my second born and it could not be more fitting for the little lady she is turning out to be. My rambunctious and sassy Mary taught me how love from deep within. She showed me how much more I needed her then they needed me….(SHHHHH don’t ever tell her that…like I said she’s a sassy one LOL). I wake up every morning and find purpose in her sky blue eyes, her conversations in her crib while mom and dad get ready for work. She taught me how much love a human can physically possess deep within without even trying. With all the frustration and learning experiences we have encountered; the sleepless nights we have had and have yet to have; I need her more than she does me. I need both of my girls more than they need me. These tiny little humans that I get to call my own, my flesh and blood, God’s great image they wake up every morning with the great unknown and they find joy out of everything. Teaching me it is ok to make mistakes that at the end of the day no one is perfect and you know what she loves me just the same. She loves me for all my mistakes, all my terrible singing to “Moana”, all my food she never eats, all the “no’s” I tell her; she loves me for it all and even after it all and that makes me love deeper than I can ever describe.

My second born; my happy little “baby chunk fats” as my husband calls her taught me to love my battle scars. She taught me to love my body. So many times as a new mother; whether we are pregnant or just had a baby or trying to conceive we constantly still worry about our “image”. How we look in these pants or in this top. Or why don’t any of these pants fit me anymore?. From the “all I can wear now is leggings” to the “I don’t want to wear anything but leggings because I don’t even have time to button a real set of pants” it is OK. After my second daughter was born this past fall the first thing I did when I got home was look in the mirror with nothing on besides hospital mesh underwear that went up to my boobs (if you have been there you know what I am talking about), a pad bigger than a doggie pee pad and a nursing bra. I just stared at myself for a good 5 minutes. Looking at every inch of my body, looking at every stretch mark that I had now from carrying not only one child but now it has been two. In that 5 minutes as I was looking at myself and before I could even think about anything negative my husband brought in my daughter and she was just sleeping so majestically. At that moment when I looked at both of them and saw what a miracle I did for the second time; I loved my body. I loved those “tiger stripes” on my tummy, and my milk producing breasts. I loved them all. I loved every single pain I was having, and every single pain I had because at that moment was when I realized all those posts I looked at of gorgeous women bouncing back to their bodies right after birth was a mom just like me. They were thinking the same thing; they might look perfect but every mother worries in some way shape or form about their image. I mean it is what society tries to tell us to do every waking second of the day. I am here today to tell you to STOP.

You are beautiful the way you are…Bruno Mar’s said it best and that song will continue to bring joy to lots of people that need to hear it. WE are worth every scar, every pain, every tear, every roll, every piece of imperfection. I thank both my daughters for the teachings and gifts they have given me. I cannot wait to share it with them and teach them what they taught me.